Just Turn Around

I find myself falling
And it seems Your arms aren’t there
I feel I’ve been abandoned
Betrayed without a care

My heart, it seems so empty
My minds about to break
Have You broken Your promise?
I find that hard to take

I’ve tried to keep on going
To muster one more fight
But all my pain and effort
It’s hopeless with no light

I know I’m being foolish
My head tells me that’s true
My heart is in confusion
What it needs right now is You

My hands reach out to find it
That faith in You I had
But there’s something there that holds me back
And seeks to drive me mad

Inside it’s thorns are buried deep
It rips and tears my soul
Then leaving me alone to weep
The bitterness takes hold

It blinds me and it steals my hope
And turns my heart to ash
Before long all that’s left of me
Is a life that’s bound to crash

In You alone can help be found
My rescue You’ve assured
If only I would turn to You
And listen to Your Word

So now I see that I’m at fault
You never left my side
I merely turned my back on You
In my selfishness and pride

And now when things have gotten rough
I’ve panicked and cried out
But so far have I run from You
I find I’m filled with doubt

My shame, it overwhelms me
I feel I can not come
To You, who so forgiving
Oh God, I’ve been so dumb

I ask You for Your mercy
And to my knees I fall
To bare my soul in Jesus name
And on Your help to call

My burdens, they are many
To carry them alone
Would be a far to heavy weight
I do not wish to own

So here I lay them at Your feet
And in Your arms I’ll stay
I’ll put my trust in You alone
It’s meant to be that way

Poem by me

Since I am in love with Emerson

I have been reading a collection of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s greatest works here and there recently and because I am so in love with his work I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes from him.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” 

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”

“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.”

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”

“It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”

I could probably go on forever, but I hope that these quotes encourage you, make you think, and make you want to read Emerson. His work inspires me and his carefully crafted, enthusiastic words on Nature make me want to be out in it more and more.

Read, read, read and enjoy! 🙂

Sending kind thoughts and prayers your way. I appreciate you and hope you have a wonderful day. Live well!

What is love?

Fondness, tenderness, warmth, attachment, intimacy, endearment, deep affection, generosity, sacrifice, selflessness, romance, humility, patience, loyalty

These are all words that float through my mind when I think of love (which is every day really). We all constantly seek after this word, this noun, this verb, but how well do we really know what it truly means to love someone? Is it a feeling? Is it something we just choose to do? An action that we take part of only towards those we want to be close to us every minute of every day? If we lose it do we just walk away?

The reason I am writing about this is because I have been faced with the brutal truth that I am not very good at any of the definitions of love. At least not the ones I believe in.

Love, to me, is mostly a verb. Love means choosing to put others first and being a servant even when you do not feel like it. Love means being willing to swallow your pride and apologize for how you reacted in anger even when that reaction seemed justified. Love means pursuing peace in a relationship even when it seems like you should not have to be the peacemaker. Love is forgiveness, empathy, and sympathy. Love is courage, grace, and mercy. Love is something you bestow on those who seem undeserving because you yourself are also undeserving and someone has done the same for you. Love is relentless and unconditional. Love is something you continue doing even when the person you are choosing to love is causing you to strongly dislike them. Love is being willing to let go when it is in the other person’s best interest. Love is compassion. Love sometimes comes with feelings but is not ruled by them. Love can be a huge struggle, but it should not be given up on. Love produces hope and defends against apathy. Love overcomes. Love is worth fighting for, always.

The best definition of love I have ever seen is the love found in the Scriptures:

I Corinthians 13:1-7

13 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

When I look at these things I know that they are all true. Through my own experience, through the example of others, and just by the way it resounds in the deepest part of who I am. However, I am hopelessly lacking in all of these areas.

At the end of the day I find that I am still always learning how to love. I know I will be for as long as I live. The important thing is that I never stop trying.

Spring: It may just kill me

The air is choking me again.
I hate the feeling;
Hot fingers around my throat.

The sun sets fire to my eyes,
temporarily blinding.
I think I can smell something burning…

I scribbled this down as I sat and withered in the humid spring heat of the South one day. I think it’s my need to be melodramatic when I’m miserable that fuels my poetry writing with its too many metaphors and dripping imagery. >.<

Fake Sophistication

The part of me that likes to feel sophisticated

listens to Debussy while drinking tea and reading

Critical Theory Today on a rainy afternoon.

tea-in-the-rain

(This is not my photo, although I wish I was sitting right there with that very set up right now)

I hope every one of you is having a wonderful Thursday. I wanted to shoot a post out to let you know I am still very much alive and well.

I have found that I really need to just get up early in the morning and post so I can be sure to have the time to at least share something every day. With University and work added to my lack of time management skills I have been a sad excuse of a blogger as of late. I apologize. I clearly need to do some self reflection in a dark corner somewhere so I can come back a better, more consistent, and enlightened blogger (aka I need to learn time management).

Any way, I appreciate  you all and remember to Live Well! Sending prayers and good thoughts your way. 😉

Unwind 

Everyone needs to have a way to unwind at the end of the day before they can truly rest. The busier and more responsible I become as an ever growing adult the more I realize the truth of this little nugget of wisdom.

For me, unwinding involves doing something I truly enjoy that does not take too much thought. After a long day of sometimes forced pleasantries and plastered smiles in retail coming home to do more brain taxing work just does not sound fun. So cooking has become my venue to relaxation.

Pulling out the cutting board, slicing through a crisp, juicy onion and pulling apart it’s layers while I try not to cry because I’m strong like that; I can just feel the layers of stress peel off me too.

The smell and popping sound of butter and squash in the frying pan makes my mouth water and brings me a simple satisfaction that I can not really describe.

This is therapy. This clears my mind. This also makes for a happy mouth and tummy, so it honestly does not get much better.

I suggest you all find something that brings you joy and do it often, because every day life needs fuel for the fire.

Stress is real and if you do not have moments of rest and spots of joy it will eat you alive.

Hello Sunday

It is so beautiful outside today I could sit on my deck all day long and be perfectly happy.

I have decided that the sun and I should be friends. It met me with a warm embrace as I stepped out into its rays and its cradling me now as I sit here with my mug of cream filled joy.

Warm on the inside and warm on the outside. Fresh air in my lungs. Blue skies and tree branches that fill my vision.

Yes, I do believe I could sit like this forever.

Hello Sunday! How about you and I keep Monday away for a while?

Wow! Thank you!

You know, when I first got on here I was not sure if I would even get 5 people reading my muddled words and incessant ramblings. I was both terrified of the worlds opinion of my writing and skeptical of the response I would receive; But suddenly I looked and realized I had 41 of you beautiful people keeping after me for whatever reason. To know that there are 41 of you that found my work intriguing enough to want to know when my next posts were has made me so incredibly excited and has humbled me greatly.

I wanted to take a moment to thank each and every one of you and to also encourage you in your own work. You are all amazing people with tremendous value and a wonderful creative swing with your words. Keep pressing on and know you have my full support as well.

I appreciate you!