Fractured

Different…

Different than what I expected

Different in ways both terrifying and exhilarating

 

I am unsure…

Unsure of how to proceed

Unsure of how to commit to the unknown

 

Guilty…

Heavy with it because you don’t know

Guilty because I know I am unworthy of you

 

Is this moving too quickly?

It feels like it has been years

But time has a way of playing tricks on me

 

What was that song again?

“Wise men say… Only fools rush in…”

Something like that… echoing faintly in my mind

 

None of this is complete….

Fractured like my thoughts

Fractured like my heart

 

Scared…

Scared because you may realize

Scared because you may see

 

I am not the person you want me to be…

Nostalgia leaves melancholy in its wake…

When I look back I see a time when I was forced to be with the same people every single day….

I see a time when adults with more wisdom and experience than I could fathom spent more than half of their time pouring into me willingly….

I see playgrounds, hurt knees and field trips with bad memories that we laughed about later…. It was worth it for that…

I see sleepless nights full of stupid dares and stunts that could have gotten us all killed….

I see silly jokes and songs made to help us study and borrowed pencils and paper…

I see food fights at lunch time and long walks downtown… We didn’t care where…

I see endless imagination and screaming at sports games…

I see shared tears and long conversations because it was just us and our parents couldn’t help us….

Today I miss being a kid… Today I miss high school and college…

Today… I miss all those people I was forced to spend time with every single day…

There will never be another time like those times again.

Don’t be too quick to wish away your younger years. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but it rarely ever turns out to be when you get there.

Focus on the present and you’ll only ever be worried about the grass beneath your own feet. That’s more than enough.

Stop This Train – John Mayer

This is where life begins

I did it. I finally slid through that finish line tape (ok, more like stumbled through after face planting a few times) they call graduation. After seven long years I can finally come home from work and actually take some time to unwind. I can finally hang out with people again without saying goodbye when we just arrived at our destination.

This feels like freedom.

I understand that life won’t exactly be less busy, but I am excited that it will finally be busy with things I really want to do instead of things I am just obligated to do.

I am excited about all the possibilities.

Apologies

Hello my faithful followers. I wanted to apologize for the lack of content lately. I am approaching graduation soon and classes have been heavier here near the end. I am also working full time and have just been blessed with my first niece, so needless to say life has been a little crazy.

Your continued support means the world to me, even when it’s just an art piece I have thrown up and not some well crafted words (if that’s what you can call anything I have done. Hahahaha). You are all incredible and I take time to read your lovely posts every week. Keep on inspiring the world and thank you for inspiring me. I love you all.

Here are some recent pictures I have drawn for an old friend. Please enjoy.



Her daughter had a birthday this past weekend and commissioned me to draw their lovely lab for her. Go Gamecocks! 😉

When Life Calls (excerpt)

The morning was more gray than I felt it should have been for Spring in North Carolina. It wasn’t that the sun was covered up or that any storm was brewing in the distance, I realized; it was that she was leaving me. She was walking out the door in a few hours and I may never see her again, or at least, it may be years before any kind of reunion. When did life suddenly happen? Weren’t we both freshman in high school just a few days ago? I knew it had really been years, but on a day like today memories like that seemed so much closer. They had moved from the back burners in my mind and come splashing in front of my eyes in vivid color, like a series of emotional movies that left my heart both full and empty all at the same time. How had it come to this? Weren’t we going to grow old together and start our own zoo after traveling the world? Hadn’t we said “screw marriage and kids; Our friendship is more than enough”?

“Dang it, Sarah! You have gone and ruined everything!” I screamed out loud.

***************************

It was mid December and the ground was covered in a slushy white substance we southerners liked to call snow. Sarah and I had just graduated from University last Summer and after several months of saving up together we had finally managed to get that “dream apartment” we had always talked about together. In reality it was a run down little mess in a section-8 part of town, but it was our little mess and we were happy with it. What mattered is that we both had four year degrees, jobs, our own cars, and we were no longer living with our parents. Whenever I got down about not having more Sarah would look at me and remind me of this fact and finish with her famous statement, “Kit, it’s the little things in life.” She was ever the optimist and it was part of the reason I loved her so much. She was good for me in ways I couldn’t always find words for.

Sarah always pushed me to do things I never thought I could do before and she spent much of her time looking for the silver-lining in every situation. I, however, was almost the exact opposite. I was so selfish at times I couldn’t see the silver-lining in anything if it was flashed right in front of my face. I could spend hours on a rainy day curled up in a dark corner at home ignoring other people and reading a book. I was perfectly happy being a hermit and only going places if it were just Sarah and I. It’s not that I didn’t love getting out. Traveling was actually a huge passion of mine. I just didn’t feel the need to share those experiences with anyone but my best friend. Sarah, on the other hand, was a huge extrovert. She thrived off of group outings and loved getting involved in every type of community event that had the words “art” or “dance” in them. I would probably never choose to be involved in any of that stuff on my own but she always managed to talk me into it with those big puppy-dog brown eyes of hers. It drove me a little bit crazy, but her enthusiasm for life was contagious, so I usually ended up enjoying it all in spite of myself.

“Kit, you have to get out and meet new people every now and then and experience new things.” Sarah told me matter-of-factly. “We should never stop growing as individuals.”

“That may be true, Sarah, but it doesn’t mean I always have to like it.” I grumbled back.

 

(This is a very small glimpse of a story I recently wrote for my Creative Writing Workshop. Let me know if you’d like to read the whole thing. I’d appreciate the feedback and constructive criticism.)

His Eye is on the Sparrow

  
Sometimes you need a reminder that God is there and that He loves you. 

Nature is one of the greatest reminders for me. 

Matthew 10:29-31

“Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. “But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. “So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.”

(Picture drawn by me – colored pencil)