Nostalgia leaves melancholy in its wake…

When I look back I see a time when I was forced to be with the same people every single day….

I see a time when adults with more wisdom and experience than I could fathom spent more than half of their time pouring into me willingly….

I see playgrounds, hurt knees and field trips with bad memories that we laughed about later…. It was worth it for that…

I see sleepless nights full of stupid dares and stunts that could have gotten us all killed….

I see silly jokes and songs made to help us study and borrowed pencils and paper…

I see food fights at lunch time and long walks downtown… We didn’t care where…

I see endless imagination and screaming at sports games…

I see shared tears and long conversations because it was just us and our parents couldn’t help us….

Today I miss being a kid… Today I miss high school and college…

Today… I miss all those people I was forced to spend time with every single day…

There will never be another time like those times again.

Don’t be too quick to wish away your younger years. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but it rarely ever turns out to be when you get there.

Focus on the present and you’ll only ever be worried about the grass beneath your own feet. That’s more than enough.

Stop This Train – John Mayer

Apologies

Hello my faithful followers. I wanted to apologize for the lack of content lately. I am approaching graduation soon and classes have been heavier here near the end. I am also working full time and have just been blessed with my first niece, so needless to say life has been a little crazy.

Your continued support means the world to me, even when it’s just an art piece I have thrown up and not some well crafted words (if that’s what you can call anything I have done. Hahahaha). You are all incredible and I take time to read your lovely posts every week. Keep on inspiring the world and thank you for inspiring me. I love you all.

Here are some recent pictures I have drawn for an old friend. Please enjoy.



Her daughter had a birthday this past weekend and commissioned me to draw their lovely lab for her. Go Gamecocks! ūüėČ

Walls

I have felt the pressure to be creative lately and I must admit, so far, no diamonds have come out of the rough.

Have you ever been in that place in life where you are so tired all the time that your brain just doesn’t want to work, and yet you still have that uncontrollable itch to produce? It is a wearisome place to be, let me tell you. To make matters worse all of the elements are right for the cultivation of creativity too. It’s the weekend, the weather is absolutely beautiful, my favorite music is playing, and I am finally free from homework for a while. Great Scott! What is wrong with me?!

Perhaps I need to take a course in how to just rest. Why is resting and doing what you love so much work sometimes?

I’ll get back to you if I find the answers to any of this.

I hope you all have a wonderful, rest filled weekend.

 

Collection of Life Poems

They Think Her Name is Silence
Blurred lines
No definition.
An empty soul
With no clear vision.
The world looks on and sees a “sweet girl,” and they think her name is
Silence.

Dreams
I dream of days
Where we ride paths
That never end
And eat ice cream
On stairs marked
By memories of childhood.

Escape
Freedom!
Wind in my hair;
Windows down, music up!
That beat, thrum, Thrum, THRUM,
Matching the rhythm of my heart.
I want to go far and never come back.

Empty Spaces
Mornings filled with silence.
Coffee sipped alone.
I didn’t realize I’d miss the spaces you filled.
Perhaps I did not realize they were empty before you.
Perhaps…
Was it you specifically?
Do I miss your voice because I loved you,
or is it because I miss having someone there when everyone else is asleep?
I don’t trust these feelings.
Emotions lie to you when you are lonely.
This isn’t fair… To you or to me.
This isn’t fair.

 

 

I took these off of my site for a while and now I am re-posting them as a collection. All poems are by me.

 

 

 

Addicted to self-destruction

I hate social media.

I hate my need to live vicariously through it.

I hate that it opens doors to show other people the best of who we are and what we do and almost always covers up everything else.

I hate that I have become a person who relies on it to remind me of birthdays and important events for people I claim that I care so much about.

I hate all the politics, spam, and makeup party invites that make you want to unfriend good people.

I hate comparing myself to pictures taken at the right angles and looking at group photos when I’m sitting in my room all alone.

I hate that numbers equal worth and that people get offended if your relationships aren’t “facebook official.”

I hate all the false expectations social media adds to. Pictures of couples that seem perfect for each other in every way, beautiful weddings, cute babies, families that seem to always be happy, and the most adorable pets and best parts of homes.

Does everyone really have it all together but me?

I hate how addicted I am to self-destruction.

The screen becomes my mirror and I don’t like what I see.

This is what social media does to me.

And what do I do but wear the same masks as everyone else…

Time away 

There are some days where the world is just crushing my shoulders with its weight. Where the sadness is undeniable and unsuppressable. Where life just needs a quick escape route.

I find that on days like these a little time spent in a place you love with a good cup of coffee and a moment of prayer can really give you the small push you need to avoid just giving up and leaving it all behind.

“I’m tired, I’m worn, my heart is heavy… From the work it takes to keep on breathing… But I know that You will give me rest, when I cry out with all that I have left..”

(Pictures and writing by me Рsong by Tenth Avenue North) 

Oh the Irony

The more I grow up the more I wish I could grow young. I know that sounds weird, but I also know that most of you know exactly what I mean. I think that, deep down, we all have a little Benjamin Button Syndrome.

There are moments that I ache to the point of tears when I remember how things used to be. Will I always be that person that feels the grass is greener on the other side? Will I always be restless and impatient for change?

When I was younger I could not wait to get older. I could not wait to have more freedom, more money, and more responsibilities. Now that I am an adult I feel like I’m less free than I was as a kid.

Ironic is it not?

Life is ironic.

That is my conclusion.

Question of Affection 

How is it that you can break up with someone, and in that moment be comepletely sure it’s because you don’t feel for them what you thought you did, and then months later you are hit with a sudden wave of “did I really make the right choice?!” 

I’ve been wondering about this question for quite some time now as I’ve been personally struggling with it lately. How do we know if we really miss someone or if we just miss the feeling of a filled hole or two that someone provided? What if we just miss not having the things they did for us and don’t really miss them for who they are? 

It’s a confusing line to walk. Even more so when what you both decided to walk away from seemed like a pretty good thing; Or at least, it was comfortable. 

Maybe too comfortable…

I wonder if as much as we love comfort as human beings if there is a part of us that knows the things that are truly worthwhile in life often come with a large amount of discomfort and so when we embark on finding that other half that is so important to us comfort only starts out as enough, but finishes empty. 

However… If we haven’t found that new, challenging, wonderful relationship that fits us just right there is always this weird part of us that looks back at that comfort we once had and we suddenly miss it so much that we start to wonder if we made the right choice… 

This is my current struggle. 

In conclusion, I hate emotions. They mess with your head and make you unsure of when you were sure.