Question of Affection 

How is it that you can break up with someone, and in that moment be comepletely sure it’s because you don’t feel for them what you thought you did, and then months later you are hit with a sudden wave of “did I really make the right choice?!” 

I’ve been wondering about this question for quite some time now as I’ve been personally struggling with it lately. How do we know if we really miss someone or if we just miss the feeling of a filled hole or two that someone provided? What if we just miss not having the things they did for us and don’t really miss them for who they are? 

It’s a confusing line to walk. Even more so when what you both decided to walk away from seemed like a pretty good thing; Or at least, it was comfortable. 

Maybe too comfortable…

I wonder if as much as we love comfort as human beings if there is a part of us that knows the things that are truly worthwhile in life often come with a large amount of discomfort and so when we embark on finding that other half that is so important to us comfort only starts out as enough, but finishes empty. 

However… If we haven’t found that new, challenging, wonderful relationship that fits us just right there is always this weird part of us that looks back at that comfort we once had and we suddenly miss it so much that we start to wonder if we made the right choice… 

This is my current struggle. 

In conclusion, I hate emotions. They mess with your head and make you unsure of when you were sure. 

What is love?

Fondness, tenderness, warmth, attachment, intimacy, endearment, deep affection, generosity, sacrifice, selflessness, romance, humility, patience, loyalty

These are all words that float through my mind when I think of love (which is every day really). We all constantly seek after this word, this noun, this verb, but how well do we really know what it truly means to love someone? Is it a feeling? Is it something we just choose to do? An action that we take part of only towards those we want to be close to us every minute of every day? If we lose it do we just walk away?

The reason I am writing about this is because I have been faced with the brutal truth that I am not very good at any of the definitions of love. At least not the ones I believe in.

Love, to me, is mostly a verb. Love means choosing to put others first and being a servant even when you do not feel like it. Love means being willing to swallow your pride and apologize for how you reacted in anger even when that reaction seemed justified. Love means pursuing peace in a relationship even when it seems like you should not have to be the peacemaker. Love is forgiveness, empathy, and sympathy. Love is courage, grace, and mercy. Love is something you bestow on those who seem undeserving because you yourself are also undeserving and someone has done the same for you. Love is relentless and unconditional. Love is something you continue doing even when the person you are choosing to love is causing you to strongly dislike them. Love is being willing to let go when it is in the other person’s best interest. Love is compassion. Love sometimes comes with feelings but is not ruled by them. Love can be a huge struggle, but it should not be given up on. Love produces hope and defends against apathy. Love overcomes. Love is worth fighting for, always.

The best definition of love I have ever seen is the love found in the Scriptures:

I Corinthians 13:1-7

13 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

When I look at these things I know that they are all true. Through my own experience, through the example of others, and just by the way it resounds in the deepest part of who I am. However, I am hopelessly lacking in all of these areas.

At the end of the day I find that I am still always learning how to love. I know I will be for as long as I live. The important thing is that I never stop trying.

This Is Incredibly Important! Please Share!

I know this is a place where blogs normally go, but I wanted to share this everywhere I could because this sweet family is running out of time to save their daughter. Please donate anything you can to help them and share this link and story to anyone and everyone you can think of. We might be able to make a difference!

Save Eliza. She has a degenerative disease and this fundraiser will provide enough money for a trial drug to be used on her to hopefully cure her. She does not have much time and every day the money is not raised is another day closer to death for her. Please, please help. The link to donate is below and if you want to know more I will post a link to the blog about her beneath the donation link.

Donate at:

http://www.gofundme.com/ElizaONeill

Learn more here:

Too Late